“We can’t tell your aunt that the pneumonia she had when she came to stay with us gave your grandpa a chest infection and me some kind of throat infection, it would make her feel bad.”
“I can’t tell grandma I’m going motorcycling with three of my girlfriends, she’d be too worried about me.”
BOTH of these things were said to me last week by my grandma and mother, respectively. And I wonder why I grew up hiding who I truly was and not being able to handle confrontation…
My Soul Gift is Divine Truth, but my family of origin did not make it easy for me to live it. Oh no, quite the opposite.
And I’m pretty sure this a codependent way of being too, although I haven’t picked up my Melody Beattie book for while now.
Growing up, this was a double-edged sword because not only did my mom try to shelter me from the reality of things – again: I’m Divine Truth! I see right through that crap. But anyways, lol, then I also learned that I in turn had to shelter the people in my life from the “harshness” of certain realities about things I did.
Can you say hello double life?
Because that’s what happens – we go underground so to speak. Things are hidden. Lies are told. The feeling of acceptance for who we truly are dwindles. And we become our fake selves with different people depending on the situation.
Ugh! I’ve been there. I hated it. That’s why I call my company Soul Shine – because my goal is to empower people to unapologetically shine as who they truly are.
Seeing these two incidents last week got me thinking about how freaking disempowering this “protection” is.
Protecting people from what? The ability to be strong and handle things in life when shit happens, which it always does?
It’s not just my family, otherwise there wouldn’t be codependents anonymous and numerous books written on the subject.
If we really squint when looking at this we can see that it does come from a “well-intentioned” place. Don’t want to hurt or upset anyone.
But when the result of “not hurting” people is robbing them of the opportunity to be functioning emotionally intelligent adults, mmm, I’d argue it’s not worth it in the big picture.
Why can’t we trust that people can handle their own emotions? Because it makes us uncomfortable? Because we don’t want to deal with their response?
Ah, there it is – the underlying truth. We don’t trust that we’ll be able to handle their reaction. We don’t trust that we’ll be ok no matter what their response.
But the truth is – we will. I didn’t have this deep knowing until after Sang (my fiance) passed and I experienced the worst abandonment I could imagine, and survived.
I don’t want other people to have to go through that to know the truth. I’d rather be able to share it – the fact that you will be ok no matter what.
That there is a deeper, bigger Divine part of you that exists and has a strength so massive you can’t even imagine it.
However, the fear of abandonment is very real and we run the risk of being ostracized when we do something we know won’t go over well with someone we love.
When we are truthful, we give the other person the opportunity to step up, process their own emotions, and accept us. Or not, it’s their choice.
Again, this can be so scary. The unknown, the uncertainty of will I or won’t I be accepted.
We don’t have to try to manipulate other people’s emotions and responses.
Most often being honest leads to growing closer, but sometimes it doesn’t.
In those cases, the big hairy question is – would you rather continue being fake you in a dynamic that doesn’t allow you to express yourself?
Or would you rather embrace who you truly are and branch out to find people who truly get and support you?
If you feel ready to bring more of the real you out into the world but also feel like a baby deer wobbling about trying to walk on new legs, reach out for support.
Apply for a Clarity Call with me or contact someone else to help guide you on this very important journey.
In love, light and truth,
Twyla K is a Soul Clarity Coach, Akashic Record Alchemist, and owner of Soul Shine Healing, Coaching & Orgonite. Twyla geeks out about all the cool Soul level aspects that make each person their own unique Divine being. She loves diving deep with people to help them uncover the Soul level blocks that are sabotaging them so they’re then able to take a stand for their Truth. Click Here to apply for a Clarity Session and connect with Twyla today!